dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
