So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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