Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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