I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
