Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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