So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
