just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
