I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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