I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
