I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
