i just had sex bonerless
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
