Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
