Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
