tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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