Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
