He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize