Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was confusing and full of hummus
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
