I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize