Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
