Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
