I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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