he thought i was a dude.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
