woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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