for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need water and some morals
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