I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
