I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
