there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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