I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
