I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
