Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
