3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
