how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
