we have pet lesbian snakes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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