my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
