hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
