the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
