Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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