? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
