i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
