i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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