Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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