Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
