This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
