she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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