Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
