I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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