Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
