I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize