I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
