Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
