No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
