# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
