Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
