The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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