found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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