when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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