Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
