im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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