girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize