She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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