I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
