morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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