I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I deserve this hangover.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
