Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
