no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
