Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
