I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
