if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
