id be glad to
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
