Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
