Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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