i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
