I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
