He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
