I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
